30/05/2014

Birthday Review: Size Matters by Robyn Peterman



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MY SYNOPSIS

Imagine this: You run a women’s shelter. Not really profitable, but wait, is anything for charity profitable? You take your women’s shelter seriously, the same for your knit shop inherited from your grandmother, your relationship with your best friend/flat mate, Rena, and the nonexistent kinda cop boyfriend you are kinda seeing, Ethan. But nothing ever goes smoothly. 

1. Maria Carey (I mean it) is always causing trouble at your shelter, breaking noses and spleens.

2. Your grandmother’s shop is run by two nasty, cantankerous old Lesbos who love to insult every customer and make big construction guys cry. 

3. Your best friend and flat mate always has her boyfriend lazying around in your apartment and fucking around with him on the couch you are supposed to make your own memories on watching shitty reality TV. 

4. As if all that isn’t enough, let’s add the tidbit about you not having sex for some months.


So when you take a bet with your best friend which results to you losing and escorting her Aunt Moon-Unit to her ridiculous Bigfoot meetings with totally ridiculous characters present discussing a mythical creature who they think might be alive, you know you’ve hit rock-bottom, really.


Your life is boring. And that includes your social life. Isn’t there a rule out there about this state being less interesting than death?


But what if after dumping your boyfriend for finding out he’s rather a Nathan, not an Ethan and some other mortifying stuff you wouldn’t want to think of (he’s a Dallas Cowboy fan!), you swear off cops only to tumble in the arms of another who you dump because you find out might just be in need of a booty call, and what if you get heartbroken?


Taking a vacation from summer, men, cops, and your whole deprived sex-life might be a fun idea. But do you have the money for it?


So when an offer comes out of your Bigfoot meetings to be a host of a TV reality show, which would make your shelter fifty thousand dollars richer, and serve as an escape from your pathetic life, but not an ideal vacation since you would be spending time with the world’s biggest cuckoos searching for a mythical creature that doesn’t exist, you take it! Ignoring the fact that the producers of the show are really sneaky and that really, who would want to watch reality TV with cuckoos searching for Bigfoot? Too bad for trashy reality TV.


But hey, there’s Jersey Shore! And this Bigfoot thingy might be a hit as well.



MY REVIEW


There’s no telling how much I love Robyn Peterman’s novels. Read three of her books, and even the first book that commenced the Happily Ever Afters and Handcuffs series, How Hard Can It Be. So reading the second, Size Matters, I really had hopes for this. And were they met? Let’s see.


As usual storyline isn’t something that comes difficult with Robyn Peterman. She always finds a way to come up with creative and never-been-done-before stuff that really gives you anticipation right after reading the blurb of her books. Size Matters was no different. Never have I read a book with characters shooting some TV series in the middle of nowhere, the aim? Searching for some mythical character who of course they weren’t going to find because this creature happens to be…. Non-existent.  A star to the storyline.──


I loved Kristy. I thought she was fab, funny, kooky yet amazing, someone I’d like to take out to lunch and envision tearing her clothes behind all the talk of her really huge, um, ‘badoinkies’. Robyn’s main characters are crafted in that light. And as much as I’d love to get to know the mains of every single book she creates, I sometimes find myself wondering how she, Robyn, would be. Alter-egos, ever heard of that?── ★★


Sure thing to love the mains in Robyn’s works. But frankly, it’s the supporting characters that make you feel like jumping off a cliff. So crazy to make you wonder with torture. So hilarious to keep you guffawing throughout the book. From Mariah Carey with her anger management issues, her love for odd hair coloring, and her voice usually equated to that of a quarterback on a football team. There’s also Hugh and Kim, the couple who lead the Bigfoot meetings with Kim doing the talking and Hugh offering the background music from his vast collection of songs. You would shit in your pants enduring the annoying, utterly ridiculous and cussing-loving old, cantankerous Lesbos who always, always, want to get in a fight with our lead for claiming her boobs are fake. For Stuey and Stan, the shady directors of the reality show you’d find yourself dying out of hilarity from their super-suspicious motives. Rena and Jack from How Hard Can It Be didn’t disappoint as usual, offering our lead some comfort whenever she felt she was done and over with cops. Now, Mitch. Really, I promise, I have loved all of Robyn’s male leads, but I really wasn’t connecting with this Mitch guy (except his creativity when it came to sex, of course). I don’t know, I felt he was dodgy and didn’t really love our lead. Or maybe I was just jealous and thought I was better off with Kristy (a fictional character that seemed so real, really?).── ★★★


The humor in this book is fantabulous! Does Robyn ever hold back at all? No, no, no. She really makes you laugh like she’s heard somewhere you had a bad day and are craving it. I really hate it when an author figures it all about her readers.── ★★★★


The suspense―mystery, I’d rather call it was discomforting. I mean, write a book about loads of kooky characters searching for some mythical creature, and people would still want to know what happens in the end? That’s some skillful shit. Other than that, I didn’t think Robyn handled her suspense well. That was the only feature that got me to thinking this book was nowhere as good as How Hard Can It Be? The suspense seemed rushed and I felt if there had been a little prolonging I would have been constantly reaching for my face towel and wiping the perspiration on my forehead (which was achieved from the mystery).── ★★★★*


So all in all, my rating would be a four-point five/five stars.


Size Matters is available on amazon.

Robyn Peterman is giving away Six e-copies. Enter rafflecopter to win:a Rafflecopter giveaway
 


I recommend this to anyone who wants to read something different this summer, that has nothing to do with taking off to the beach but the woods instead. Anyone who loves Robyn Peterman should grab this as she doesn’t disappoint. Anyone who loves their chick-lit sexified, hilarious and mysterious should grab this.


My work not done here. Off to post my review on Goodreads.

2 comments:

  1. No way would i date a cop. No; they aren't my favourite people.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It wouldn't bother me too much, I guess it would depend what he did as a cop and how dangerous it was!

    ReplyDelete