08/02/2014

Review+Giveaway: Fashionably Dead by Robyn Peterman

Vampyres, Angels, De-moms,Fairies, Prada, all teamed up in this fangtastic chicklit! The one book that would get you baring your canines for excitement!

Blurb:

Vampyres don’t exist. They absolutely do not exist.

At least I didn’t think they did ‘til I tried to quit smoking and ended up Undead. Who in the hell did I screw over in a former life that my getting healthy equates with dead?

Now I’m a Vampyre. Yes, we exist whether we want to or not. However, I have to admit, the perks aren’t bad. My girls no longer jiggle, my ass is higher than a kite and the latest Prada keeps finding its way to my wardrobe. On the downside, I’m stuck with an obscenely profane Guardian Angel who looks like Oprah and a Fairy Fighting Coach who’s teaching me to annihilate like the Terminator.

To complicate matters, my libido has increased to Vampyric proportions and my attraction to a hotter than Satan’s underpants killer rogue Vampyre is not only dangerous . . . it’s possibly deadly. For real dead. Permanent death isn’t on my agenda. Avoiding him is my only option. Of course, since he thinks I’m his, it’s easier said than done. Like THAT’S not enough to deal with, all the other Vampyres think I’m some sort of Chosen One.

Holy Hell, if I’m in charge of saving an entire race of blood suckers, the Undead are in for one hell of a ride.

Astrid has given up smoking and has decided to take charge of her life before she blows it all away into thin air. Therapy seems like the answer to her unhealthy life. But does she know by admitting her problem to a 'therapist', and seeking help to quit, said 'therapist' would steal her breathe away, leaving her dead? Not as if that isn't the sure and fast way to get nicotine-free, but she'd expected better from this therapist than transforming her into a Vampyre (hence leaving her breathless).

Before she knows it, she has her own guardian Angel who happens to be an Oprah lookalike, and a trainer fairy who loves to bare it all.

Who knew the world of Vampyres comes with royalty, fierce sororities, Debutantes, princes, ferocious battles, amazing sex and killer undead orgasms!

Oh, and for some reason all the Vampyres think Astrid is sort of special, some chosen one... when she knows the only special in her life are the seniors she teaches art who are not shy to translate their sexual preferences into their pieces.

It's not as if she doesn't have her own share of drama when her mum announces her death date, her guardian angel keeps her telly on the Jerry Springer and a Vampyre rogue, or prince or whatever he really is wants to get into her pants! Playing hard-to-get seems like the best thing, but channeling your stubborn inner slut into doing something productive (like saving the world) only seems like the sure way to keep your panties on.

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FUNNIEST EXCERPT

It was so delicious, like rich dark chocolate, so smooth, so warm, so yummy. What was this? The pain subsided slowly and I realized I was curled up in I'm-Not-Oprah's lap with my teeth embedded in her neck. She was rocking me like a baby.

I removed what I'm fairly sure was my fangs from Oprah's neck. "What am I doing?" I calmly asked.

She looked down at me and smiled. Holy Cow, she looked like Oprah. "Drinking."

"Drinking what?" I inquired politely.

"O negative."

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IT DIDN'T WORK WITH ROBYN PETERMAN! Everyone who follows my 'kooky' blog, as people refer it, know when I'm taking on an author twice I do not read the blurb to their next book. I just jump into it and prepare to be entertained. But I could give no such treatment to Robyn. Why? Simple. Robyn's works are fantastic from BLURB to finish! She's the kind of writer who grabs you with her blurb, reels you in with Amazon's ten-percent excerpt and before you can stop yourself, it's ONE CLICK for you! You came in to be a snob over what author to purchase, and then, bam! Robyn puts you in a trance that gets you clicking the 'Add To Cart' button. I want to tell you all, you wouldn't be the only one. There's a whole Bigfoot community-like who you could relate your similar experience with.

Anyway, to my review!

Robyn is a master of brilliantly unique and complicated story-lines. While you may argue this is similar to Mary Janice's Undead series, taking a nose-dive into this proves you completely wrong. I admired Robyn's How Hard Can It Be plot, I was expecting her next book to be something that tows that line and she wowed my pants off me. I love it when authors do that ('cause most of my pants do not fit that well)—★

Now, again, people who know me and this blog, know I dread anything paranormal. It is beyond me that I really enjoyed something outta-normal. Dialogues are witty, humorous and sometimes bordering on plain wacky. I love that Robyn took my notion of Vampyres being so last season and threw it out the window by adding lots of classiness you would hardly find in Vampyre fiction. It's Vampyre (Diaries) with a hint of some Gossip Girl in there. This book didn't only have the wow factor, it did have the RAAR(!) factor too—★★

Astrid. I loved, loved her! Can you blame me? She might have put me in a trance too. But that's just it with all Robyn's leads (vampire or mortal). On their covers they look all sassy and have that I-Can-Do-It-All aura, but when you begin flipping the the pages, you'd realize they are scared shitless (like you! [sometimes]), they are Prada whores (who isn't?), their sense of humor is super-high-larious (most of us would love to think that about ourselves) and they haven't really made specific meaning with their lives and are not all sexy, successful moguls. Pure entertainment! —★★★

Speaking of entertainment, you wouldn't read this book without falling for all the other characters. Maybe you wouldn't be rolling all over, like I did, laughing your ass off. But you would love Gemma the bestie, another Prada whore who wouldn't want all vampyres on her doorstep (with their fav meals) just because her blood has the power to taste like the food she ingests. There's also Pam, the guardian angel who would get you flinching at most of her cusses (even when you aren't the flinching type) and loves Jerry Springer drama. The Kev, a fairy whose taste in fashion ranges from nudity to Tutus and Muumuus, despite the fact that guys stopped wearing that before the seventies (and nothing could go wrong than the seventies!). Venus—sorority sister and vampyre, Paris—gothic teenager and Vampyre, Charlie—assgrabbing senior citizen, Martha and Jane—old, cantankerous conservatives who for some reason think they deserve slots on American Idol and not seats doing art with wacky Astrid, Brad Pitt—the sleazy adultering solicitor whose arrival in Kentucky caused media from the world to gather only to find out he wasn't the famous one but the one who wouldn't hesitate dedicating a poem to Astrid's butt, Angelina Jenkins—battling with her husband so her family doesn't change their last name to Jolie, Petra—the mom who can show much affection towards the century's ugliest demon king, but why not the same for her daughter? Your favorite character would be Ethan, not because he shags like someone five hundred and two (the older the merrier), you'd probably be guffawing anytime he's seething about Astrid doing everything (with him) but bending to his will. All these characters and so, so much more made me really, really want this book! —★★★★

You shouldn't be told you would split your jaw through laughter when you pick up a Robyn Peterman title. You shouldn't also be told there are so many OMG moments that might make you create a gash on your forehead (mine is spotless, Thank you, all went well after a little knitting). There are much too many revelations that harness the plot together, sprout up relations you could never guess existed and made this book the star that it was—★★★★★

It's the one book that would get you believing just about anything to the point of questioning your sanity (thanks to the element of engaging that seems to be an attribute in all Robyn's writings). At a point, I had to shake myself back to reality to actually believe Sprites weren't such ass-grabbing pervs (based on my very limited encounter with them).

There are a few authors I hail 'My Kind Of Girl', Robyn happens to be one of them. Definitely can't wait to read Fashionably Dead Down Under!

My rating: Obviously...

Fashionably Dead is available on Amazon.

Hold your horses, just before you run out to get this and all Robyn's works (which you should), she's giving away...

a Rafflecopter giveaway

I recommend this title to anyone who wants Chicklit that's fangtastic! Anyone who wants something with a super-hilarious lead should get this! Anyone who'd just love a feel of what major Vampyre sex they are missing out on being mere mortal should also throw this into their cart!

My work not done. Off to post my review on Goodreads.

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