Book Review: The List by Joanna Bolouri

                                                       MY SYNOPSIS

Imagine This: Since your cheating, SOB boyfriend dumped you it has put a hole in your sex life. Hole, (I use this word loosely) since he was not much of an experimentalist and loved the old-fashioned way even missionaries stopped using when they came down to Africa to ‘spread the—ahem, babies—gospel… anyway!

Point is, he messed up your year when you caught him rolling in bed with some unknown creature of giant tits, Miss Tits, you like to refer her. (Even I would have seen it coming since we all men love giant tits, but hey, not all of us love missionary!).

It’s the New Year, and at a celebratory party with your bestest friends in a hotel, you vow to get him off your mind and move on. Thankfully you have your girlfriends, Lucy—the serial dater and Hazel—the mother, to help you through. But your friend Oliver says, “Isn’t this another year where you make shitty resolutions about losing weight and you don’t?” As much as you hate it, the dickhead is right, you need to make more realistic resolutions. But what would they be? No, no change of job. You cannot afford to even do that!

So what if you vow to revamp your sex life? Try all those things you’ve never done. Be more adventurous than your old unimaginative boyfriends were. You make a list of all the things you want to try to update your sex life. This year, you are going to create a new you who’s raunchy, who isn’t too frigid, who isn’t afraid to try that or tap that. Your friends scream, “Atta girl!” You are scared shitless but still would go through this mumbo-jumbo.

But fuck, you need a partner. Someone skillful and adventurous to help you. Oh, and did I mention you are single? Fuck, it must have skipped my mind.

Phoebe Henderson’s life for your entertainment.

MY REVIEW

I loved, loved this book! So in my review, you all know I’ll be screaming at you to go get this!

(I read through cold nights!) The storyline is perrrrr-fect! Not done before, or rather, not executed the way Joanna Bolouri did it. Ordinary girl makes new year resolutions that she’d actually follow through this year (so new), ordinary girl brings up the most bizarre sex list (so new), ordinary girl really goes through all this sex list and really comes out with a change—mind you, a very positive one (so new)! Who would have known sex could make a good girl turn best? I love the whole brain behind this story. Marvelous execution.—★

Joanna Bolouri made me remember why I love debut authors. The needle in the haystack published authors. The ones who have so unique voices among the pile, it’s a must-publish. But, I’m digressing here…—★★

(I walked around the house hiding my hard-on from five brothers, one inquisitive mother and one dad who wouldn’t quit making me ran errands for him!) I loved, loved Phoebe. God, knows how much I did! Ballsy characters are New Age Chick-lit, everyone now wants a character who’d venture paths no one tries, who’d go all the way. And as if that is not enough, she’s funny, she’s adorable (even when she’s not polite). I couldn’t resist yelling, “Pick me! Pick me!” after I saw her jaw-dropping list. She’s probably the reason guys would convert to strict chicklitarians, and while she might put many women off she’d do that because they’d die to be her (because who really isn’t sick of that monotony New Year resolution shits: lose weight, get married, get job, then a New Year comes and you achieved nothing! Urgh!) So fuck, she’s relatable!—★★★

(I found out two of my brothers read this book, explains the smug smiles in my direction whenever they saw me reading in the garden! Fuck! Awkwardly embarrassed!) The characters in this book were awweeesoome! From Lucy who had the bad girl appeal I loved, loved and who wouldn’t bother dumping men because they write poetry even if the sex is amazing (Poor me). From Hazel, the mother who wouldn’t make her single friends hate hanging out with her because she wouldn’t make them feel being single sucked thinking being married is the closest to being in heaven. I loved Oliver, really, I’m more like him, very open to other options, only I wouldn’t be brave enough to try some of the things he’d already done. Frank, the annoying boss who I’d hate forever for getting into a position (I mean the word with a double entendre) that I’d always wanted to get in from the start of the book. Alex, the moron cheater, who for some reason I think really, women all around the globe should read this book and beware of such exes (who want to make a comeback. Lonely Bag of Shit!). Phoebe’s parents who were outrageous, adventurous and were always never around. Kelly, the office cat, always meowing in languages no one understood. Brian, the young, office dickhead who screamed his workplace conquests at the top of his lungs. All the characters and the ones I failed to mention, made this reading worthwhile.—★★★★

(I laughed so hard it surpassed the number of times I felt some growth under my jeans) It was really hilarious, really. I am nuts for how Joanna portrayed the sex scenes, not like your average porn where everything is up-close and makes you want to gag… like I just did (sorry for the imagery). No, thank you, I’m into soft core where they actually teach you kissing is stimulating… I’M NEVER GOING TO DIGRESS AGAIN, I CROSS MY HEART! And everyone loves sex scenes that leaves them imagining (and fantasizing—but no, I promised I’d stick to the topic).—★★★★★

(I vowed not to read this book anywhere outside my house, but why did it find its way with me in the conference room, anytime an annoying coworker was giving a suggestion) So yes, I couldn’t put this book down, if I didn’t have work I’m sure I’d read it all in a sitting. Wait a minute, no, that would have been hurting myself (I’m a guy, unlike you ladies, I have to occasionally walk around to blow off steam).—★★★★★

My rating: Five stars en point.

The List is available in both paperback and kindle on Amazon.

(Mother: I want to read the book. Me: (withdraw so quickly you’d think I’d just been electrocuted) No, no, it’s the kind of book everyone should have their copy!) I recommend this book to anyone who stocks revolutionary, different chick-lit released over the years, because I’m sure Joanna Bolouri is joining my list of Women Who Changed The Scene Of Chick-lit. I recommend this book to anyone who loves their chick-lit sexciting! Anyone who wouldn’t mind combining in a little humor, a little raunchy and a little heart-warming, should get this. Plus, I did think it was a great read because the romance wasn’t too mushy-mushy. Thanks, but I don’t like books that try so hard to sweep me off my feet, especially ones with no humor… here I am digressing again. THE END!

My work not done here. Off to post my review on Goodreads.

Book Review: A Jersey Kiss by Georgina Troy

REVIEW BY MY NEW REVIEWER ON THE BLOCK WHO IS CURRENTLY MAKING MY INBOX TIRELESS WITH AUTHORS REQUESTING SHE REVIEW THEIR WORK,SANDRA. 

 SYNOPSIS
Imagine this: How would you deal with being left with a house that is tearing down, a mystery that you cant seem to figure out, a nasty divorce with a cheating, greedy annoying  jerk of a husband? And right after the death of your dearest Mum-like Aunt, you lose a child you would soo love to have and cherish through a miscarriage?

And what with falling head over heels, madly in love with a hot sizzling  Adonis contractor, hot as sin Mm hmmm. You just know you cant have because he is trouble, hot as he may be.

Oh, not forgetting you have an annoying Half-Sister who would just not bugger off, and your cruel devil of a stepmother who would stop at nothing to make your life hell. And of all the days to get married she chooses the one day you would be saddest and miserable.

And it turns out that your hot bloke all in control ex-boyfriend/boss who you thought was soo perfect is really a horrible, selfish person. Good looking on the outside total crap on the inside.

When all else is hopeless you can only turn to your closest friends... but it turns out they have problems of their own and can't afford to help in anyway.

And what the fuck could the "Jersey Kiss" be? And why the hell is your Aunt going on and on about it in her will when in your messed-up life you cannot even relax and enjoy a simple kiss? But I tell you, not too simple if the demigod of a contractor is offering it.

All the above pretty much sums up all the drama in Beatrice Potter's life.


              My review
I loved this book a lot, Georgina Troy kicked it off perfectly and I must agree with Christina Jones, it was Enticing, Enchanting and Intriguing. Even though for a million dollars I wouldn't want to be in Bea's shoe's, never. But then if she had that much money she wouldn't be having those problems anyway. And she would have paid that jerk of a husband off, and keep the house she loved soo terribly much.—★

What a way to start a book, very interesting and I loved it, wouldn't fancy being caught in nothing but a towel that barely covered me up, it would be horror for those poor contractors with all I have going on(lol) (Sandra happens to be those thick, beautiful and size 18 types). But it was very interesting how she pulled it off nicely. Very chic thumbs up Georgina—★★

Another interesting part of this book that made it phenomenon are the characters from the jerk of an ex- husband who made Bea's life miserable, to her Cruella--StepMum who pushed up the competition and hatred between Bea and her sometimes annoying sometimes super sweet half sister Mel, to the Funny dramatic gay friend Paul not forgetting Shani with all her boyfriend drama. And who would have thought that Tom the hot responsible bloke was actually a crook,oh the drama queen/model Leillanni and how can I forget sexy Lukey(lol). Soo amazing these characters.—★★★

The suspense was definitely and without question off the hook, Just like Paul, I hate not knowing something and I would never have guessed what the "Jersey Kiss" turned out to be, really nice. Oh and the Leillani and Luke situation, at a point I kind of thought that they were really going out. Sweet suspense loved it.—★★★★

Even though I thought the romance could have been more intense and it could have gone laugh out loud funny, overall I loved the book and I think Georgina Troy did a great job . Awesome book you should definitely read it for yourself.

Rating: four stars/five stars.

 A Jersey Kiss by Georgina Troy, as Sandra called it, soo amazing, is available on Amazon.

Her work not done here. Would convince her to join Goodreads so she can paste her review there. 

Birthday Review: Size Matters by Robyn Peterman

MY SYNOPSIS

Imagine this: You run a women’s shelter. Not really profitable, but wait, is anything for charity profitable? You take your women’s shelter seriously, the same for your knit shop inherited from your grandmother, your relationship with your best friend/flat mate, Rena, and the nonexistent kinda cop boyfriend you are kinda seeing, Ethan. But nothing ever goes smoothly. 

1. Maria Carey (I mean it) is always causing trouble at your shelter, breaking noses and spleens.

2. Your grandmother’s shop is run by two nasty, cantankerous old Lesbos who love to insult every customer and make big construction guys cry. 

3. Your best friend and flat mate always has her boyfriend lazying around in your apartment and fucking around with him on the couch you are supposed to make your own memories on watching shitty reality TV. 

4. As if all that isn’t enough, let’s add the tidbit about you not having sex for some months.

So when you take a bet with your best friend which results to you losing and escorting her Aunt Moon-Unit to her ridiculous Bigfoot meetings with totally ridiculous characters present discussing a mythical creature who they think might be alive, you know you’ve hit rock-bottom, really.

Your life is boring. And that includes your social life. Isn’t there a rule out there about this state being less interesting than death?

But what if after dumping your boyfriend for finding out he’s rather a Nathan, not an Ethan and some other mortifying stuff you wouldn’t want to think of (he’s a Dallas Cowboy fan!), you swear off cops only to tumble in the arms of another who you dump because you find out might just be in need of a booty call, and what if you get heartbroken?

Taking a vacation from summer, men, cops, and your whole deprived sex-life might be a fun idea. But do you have the money for it?

So when an offer comes out of your Bigfoot meetings to be a host of a TV reality show, which would make your shelter fifty thousand dollars richer, and serve as an escape from your pathetic life, but not an ideal vacation since you would be spending time with the world’s biggest cuckoos searching for a mythical creature that doesn’t exist, you take it! Ignoring the fact that the producers of the show are really sneaky and that really, who would want to watch reality TV with cuckoos searching for Bigfoot? Too bad for trashy reality TV.

But hey, there’s Jersey Shore! And this Bigfoot thingy might be a hit as well.

MY REVIEW

There’s no telling how much I love Robyn Peterman’s novels. Read three of her books, and even the first book that commenced the Happily Ever Afters and Handcuffs series, How Hard Can It Be. So reading the second, Size Matters, I really had hopes for this. And were they met? Let’s see.

As usual storyline isn’t something that comes difficult with Robyn Peterman. She always finds a way to come up with creative and never-been-done-before stuff that really gives you anticipation right after reading the blurb of her books. Size Matters was no different. Never have I read a book with characters shooting some TV series in the middle of nowhere, the aim? Searching for some mythical character who of course they weren’t going to find because this creature happens to be…. Non-existent.  A star to the storyline.── ★

I loved Kristy. I thought she was fab, funny, kooky yet amazing, someone I’d like to take out to lunch and envision tearing her clothes behind all the talk of her really huge, um, ‘badoinkies’. Robyn’s main characters are crafted in that light. And as much as I’d love to get to know the mains of every single book she creates, I sometimes find myself wondering how she, Robyn, would be. Alter-egos, ever heard of that?── ★★

Sure thing to love the mains in Robyn’s works. But frankly, it’s the supporting characters that make you feel like jumping off a cliff. So crazy to make you wonder with torture. So hilarious to keep you guffawing throughout the book. From Mariah Carey with her anger management issues, her love for odd hair coloring, and her voice usually equated to that of a quarterback on a football team. There’s also Hugh and Kim, the couple who lead the Bigfoot meetings with Kim doing the talking and Hugh offering the background music from his vast collection of songs. You would shit in your pants enduring the annoying, utterly ridiculous and cussing-loving old, cantankerous Lesbos who always, always, want to get in a fight with our lead for claiming her boobs are fake. For Stuey and Stan, the shady directors of the reality show you’d find yourself dying out of hilarity from their super-suspicious motives. Rena and Jack from How Hard Can It Be didn’t disappoint as usual, offering our lead some comfort whenever she felt she was done and over with cops. Now, Mitch. Really, I promise, I have loved all of Robyn’s male leads, but I really wasn’t connecting with this Mitch guy (except his creativity when it came to sex, of course). I don’t know, I felt he was dodgy and didn’t really love our lead. Or maybe I was just jealous and thought I was better off with Kristy (a fictional character that seemed so real, really?).── ★★★

The humor in this book is fantabulous! Does Robyn ever hold back at all? No, no, no. She really makes you laugh like she’s heard somewhere you had a bad day and are craving it. I really hate it when an author figures it all about her readers.── ★★★★

The suspense―mystery, I’d rather call it was discomforting. I mean, write a book about loads of kooky characters searching for some mythical creature, and people would still want to know what happens in the end? That’s some skillful shit. Other than that, I didn’t think Robyn handled her suspense well. That was the only feature that got me to thinking this book was nowhere as good as How Hard Can It Be? The suspense seemed rushed and I felt if there had been a little prolonging I would have been constantly reaching for my face towel and wiping the perspiration on my forehead (which was achieved from the mystery).── ★★★★*

So all in all, my rating would be a four-point five/five stars.

Size Matters is available on amazon.

Robyn Peterman is giving away Six e-copies. Enter rafflecopter to win:a Rafflecopter giveaway
 

I recommend this to anyone who wants to read something different this summer, that has nothing to do with taking off to the beach but the woods instead. Anyone who loves Robyn Peterman should grab this as she doesn’t disappoint. Anyone who loves their chick-lit sexified, hilarious and mysterious should grab this.

My work not done here. Off to post my review on Goodreads.

Review: Keeping Score by Jami Deise

                                           

REVIEW BY MY NEWEST REVIEWER ON THE BLOCK, Sandra. A Voracious reader like myself.

Her Synopsis
From the very start of our lives we are in a competition. Right from when the sperm has to struggle , swim fast and be the first to reach the ready egg, till the very last breath , even then we are in a  struggle to be the one who lived longer. Sibling competing for the attention of Parents, to be the best athlete to have the hottest boy in school , get married first and the competition continues.

The single mom with her kid is not exempted from this lifelong Competition. What she does not know is that winning all the time has consequences that comes with it. She finds out the hard way that you can't compete with your friend and have your friend back after the competition.

Shannon a very competitive mother of a nine year old , baseball, soccer and basket ball player. It is undeniable he talent of her son but she gets so sucked up in the competition that she loses her friends in the process.

And what with the hot coach she’s crushing on? And oh, her friends wanting to take her down as much as she wants to take them down (with their children).

Pure evil and brilliantly entertaining.

                                        Her Review
I've read a lot of books about divorced mums, and not all of them are worth reviewing but i rather enjoyed reading this book, maybe because I related to it very well . I mean who wouldn’t? At some point in our lives we’ve all gone through Shannon’s predicament, haven’t we? It’s sometimes even so healthy when we involve our kids too. A family of haters. I know a handful of women who’ve been in this position for a while. Including my mum who’s still rooting for me to shed off some pounds faster before the “neighborhood bitch’s” (who happens to be her ‘friend’, bless her heart) daughter does.──★

Life is very competitive and am a very competitive person by nature so (I would lose weight before that silly girl across my house does with her neighborhood bitch of a mother, and) it was easy for me to relate with Shannon. Keeping score is easy to relate to and am not a single mum.──★★

The characters were lovely and fun to read about. Good characterization on the part of Jami Deise.──★★★
 

The suspense was amazing and I could not help myself i just wanted to read more to know what will happen next, what Shannon would do or say, and that’s pretty cool it kept me at the edge my seat wanting more. Amazing.──★★★★
 

Overall, I loved the book but i wished it had more humor which would have made it outstanding.

My rating: Four stars/five stars.

I recommend this book to all the mothers out there (though I’d hold it off my mum for a while before she gets any ideas she’s destined to marry a coach―my dad has quite a belly).

Jami Deise’s Keeping Score is available on amazon.

Her work not done here. I’d encourage her to join Goodreadsand post it there.

Book Review: The Perfect Match by Katie Fforde

MY SYNOPSIS

Imagine this: You’ve moved to a new town due to a reason you’d rather not think about. You are now an estate agent fairly happy, living with your sixty-year old aunt sipping teas in a garden of roses and all that kind.

You are good at your job, caring and loving. Not shrewd as all estate managers are pictured to be with a pitch fork. All your clients love you. And so does your boss, who you’ve indulged yourself in a two year relationship with. God knows you love him as much as he… loves himself.

So maybe if perhaps your job entails convincing old people out of their houses into retirement homes, or searching for homes for the most indecisive people on earth, or what of the stingy ones with low budgets and big dream houses, and your aunty getting involved with a younger man, or your boyfriend ACCIDENTALLY proposing to you after he’s taken you out.

Enough trouble for you to deal with!

But not when illegal criminal activities come into the picture. And your boyfriend―oops, fiancé is acting suspicious lately. God help him, you might cut his balls if he’s cheating on you!

But we all know of someone who might want to cut your balls. The reason you left your previous job. He’s back. And it seems like he’s pissed at you, for, perhaps, letting his wife abandon him?

MY REVIEW

I liked this book. The storyline was perfect. The whole girl runs away, starts a new life as an estate agent (new), finds a guy who wants her cutting carbs as much as he wants her claiming the necessary documents of a senior citizen’s house (new), aunty in love with a younger guy (new), aunty having to deal with the pain in the arse daughters of younger guy (new), then the old life comes back to cut her balls (new). Cheers to Katie Fforde, and cheers to the complications of life.──★

Told in third-person points of view narrative of Bella and Alice, her aunt, (don’t you just love reading non-gender benders?), I found each of their voices unique and personalities as well. I know writers who’d just jumble them all up that you’d think each character had a split personality of the other. But Katie Fforde handled it well. The younger audience would place their shoes in Bella’s, the thirty-something’s, and root for Alice undergoing the perils of loving a younger man, and vice versa.──★★

The characters in this book were well-crafted besides the mains. From Jane, the sweet old woman who wouldn’t let go of her house for a retirement home, To the Agnews, the indecisive couple who wanted more for less. Mrs. Macey, a cantankerous woman who wanted her house off the market quick yet didn’t consider the damp smell of cat pee was the reason no one might have wanted it. Tina, the take-charge hilarious secretary. Ed Unsworth, the dickhead who’s lived his life outsmarting people out of their homes. Dominic, the George Clooney look-alike who’s out to get our Bella’s balls (not really, and speaking metaphorically). Michael, the super-charming sweet divorcé who has the hots for Alice. Nevil, the fiancé who plans the wedding down to the gown he wants his bride wearing. I loved them all!──★★★

Humor in this book was OK. Throughout I think there were two or three really laugh-out-loud moments and lots of chuckling ones in there. ──★★★★But everyone knows I love my Women’s Fiction (or all other books) utterly hilarious, so I wished this was too.  

So my rating: Four/Five stars.

You can purchase The Perfect Match by Katie Fforde in both Kindle and Paperback (but I believe paperback does it more justice!)

Amazon:  http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Perfect-Match-Katie-Fforde/dp/184605656X

I recommend this book to anyone who’s always been a fan of Katie Fforde as she never disappoints in this title too. Anyone who wants to know the ins and outs of an estate agent’s life (so they can finally sympathize with the world’s most shrewd characters). Anyone who enjoys reading books about older women starting all over again in the romance department and seeking some action in their private lives as well. Anyone who wants a good suspenseful book should also read this.

My work not done here. Off to post my review on Goodreads.